I Want to Live the Grand Drama of Existence!

Listen to Episode 17 I Want to Live the Grand Drama of Existence!

You never get over the astonishment of realizing that you are the eternal, absolute spirit walking in the world to live the life of an awake, knowing being. Yes, the creator of this cosmos, the original one, the God of gods, the pure knower, the infinite one is you, when all the mental coverings are pushed aside! That's who you are and that's what's going on! Listen to the intro carefully! Asleep in our life stories, the grand drama goes on but outside of our awareness. Once you start to wake up, you feel the waves of being move through you imbued with a huge desire to be one with it all. Let the mystery begin! Let the mystery take hold!

The Never to Return Deep Meditation

Ep 16 The Never to Return Deep Meditation

Once you have decided, once you know this is it, what is it you expect to see when you take one last look over your shoulder? You have discovered at last that the world you have lived in is one whole thing, like a box, one total reality which you are finally ready to step out of. You are no longer embedded in its stories. You have faith that in the beyond, there will be pathways, august beings, perhaps the one grand being that lords over all. You don't know. Transcendental realities have been your life goal, your purpose, and now there is no turning back. Decades of pretending, of waiting for the right moment, of assessing how much more you need to do, whether this is the direction your life has taken. Has it really come to this? And what about love? A deep diver letting go of the line and stretching out to the unmoving waters. 

The Last Meditation

Don’t you want to know why it didn’t happen, sitting in your car at a four-way stop, your turn? You drive to the town square. It’s empty at 5 pm. You stand there looking at the benches and the gazebo, remembering when the square was full of noise and bands and kids chasing each other. You know those benches. They’re like the one in your mind, where you have been sitting for ten, twenty, thirty, forty, or fifty years, poised for the next meditative dive into the promise that has kept your heart pumping, beat after beat, living off the knowledge, the deep stirrings, the friendships with those who also know what you know and the how but who are still there with the same unfulfilled eyes. You look around. You don’t see them but you know they are all there on those benches. Saving room for the young ones, especially those who are being writhed into existence as you think.

Don’t you want to know why it didn’t happen? Feeling that stirring in your loins again, kids laughing in front of the store across the way? Still there. Was it that? Should I have headed to the forest or to the ashram to stave off the dark desire? All around you and the empty square, hundreds are doing the deed in locked rooms as your mind torques on the question. Yes, impossible without tying yourself to the mast as your ship is being tossed about in the raging sea. And even then, the mast always breaks.

Never mind. You close your eyes. Habit as much as anything. After ten thousand dives, it’s never been easier. Maybe after this one, you will push everything behind you and go backslapping with Zen monks in exotic marketplaces, or head into the mountains to exclaim the glory of your enlightenment to the gods, dance with Shiva among the stars, take target practice with Arjuna in the deep forest as the brothers look on with glee. Maybe.

Your mind goes quiet, and the silence rolls in, peaks of emptiness, troughs of illusions, gods, witches and goblins, the lineages of masters, rutting teens on their way to sameness and death, and the waves of love, your love, pulsing through your heart as you lie helpless on the shores of the unknown with the ancient buddhas. Why don’t they speak? Why? Why? I want to know! Return to the bench? Never! I would rather die than return to the bench! Lie here forever! Aching forever!

Or just step off . . .