How much living does it take before one can conclude that life, my life specifically, is going nowhere? I mean, there’s no intellectual formulation that has brought me to my knees and had me declare with finality, “I have found it!” Nor surges of emotion, nor sensory experiences, nor memories, nor food, nor sexual partner, spouse, poem, nor scaled peak, nor anything else that might bring me to declare victory, after which I might tidy up and exit for other parts, dowsing the light on the way out the door.
Except maybe this urgent compulsion to keep digging, or to conclude from what saints, sages, and seers have said over the ages that something grand and conclusive is available for the having if only I can surrender my individual existence into the ocean of being. Plop, cease to exist, something. Endless cogitation may stave this one off, or it’s true and so be it.
Unless I conclude that none of it is about the me and keep digging because something urgent demands it. Never mind some future enlightened state, the something that is going on is going on now in these terms, just as I write this. Can’t you feel it in your bones?
The absolute spirit, the divine source and center, the Self, whatever you want to call this thing, it exists. Fact. Non-existence is eternally overcome in the irreducible “I.” How is non-existence eternally overcome, you might ask? If you really want to know, grab your cosmic staff and head out. You will find steadfast beings traversing that line of inquiry, possibly forever. Once you arrive at the irreducible “I,” there are all the things and dimensions of the cosmos to see and gesture into with intent, and we all are trying to manage that intent in whatever form it manifests as very particular particularizations, and not insignificantly, ones that know and think and can walk across a living landscape. On my bookshelf, I have mighty volumes of knowledge, wisdom, secret sounds, images, practices, and ceremonies, that will do nothing to affect that intent as it is working right now in me.
So, what does God want? Dammit! It is a fair question! As it works its way into this dense planetary creation, into the animate and inanimate things, into the conscious beings, and the human beings ready to kill and destroy because they don’t have a clue as to why there are a thousand million laws in the world pushing us this way and that if we are not desperate about this dilemma of not knowing and ready to lash out to avoid the emptiness just on the other side of the question! Have I caught you unzipped in front of the mirror?
But it knows. It’s looking around. Creatures little more than blind animals on the evolutionary verge stretch out their consciousness with inquiry that just might work for that intent looking around for folks like you and me.
Knowing spirit knows only existentially, but human experiencers implanted with godseeds generate experiences useful to the mysterious intent arising out of the unbounded reality just over the precipice of our personal existences; and perhaps if we put enlightenment back on the shelf as an ego intrusion, we might look at what is going on right now as some of those godseeds vibrate out our experiences as a human version of god-knowing, providing useful data to the infinite God on its journey into its creation. For us just to know and enjoy the show!
Plant the seed, see what it is, next. This is how things are in the quantum cosmos.